Many days I feel like I am spiritually hungry. Starving even. My heart is growling with longing for fullness. How then do I go about filling up this empty feeling? I begin to find things to fill me up.I work to be filled by being busy. Filled with petty disturbances like unfinished homework and dirty socks on the floor. Filled with jealousies , resentments both old and new. Filled with sadness over past and worries about the future. Filled with the desire to work out the perfect schedule or the best way to organize the house and are lives. If I can fill up my heart and mind,then I can avoid the true nature of my hunger, my longing. I tell myself everything will be fine. I can if I just figure things out. Fix it all. Then I can be happy and content. Full.
And yet, this kind of fullness, gorging on the craziness of pursuing peace by my own means, leads to mental confusion, emotional dullness, even more spiritiually hunger. Like the person who is eats all day but is nutritionally undernourished, I am overfed on the stuff of this world, and underfed by not partaking of spiritual food, the Eucharist and the Word.
Lord, let me recognize my hunger is for you. You have designed us perfectly to be hungry when our bodies need energy and sustenanace. Teach me to rely on you and your holy people, your beloved Church, the sacraments...to be filled with the blessings and graces I need to be a child of yours, living here on this day, because you deemed it so.
I know in my heart you are a loving Father and would never let a child of yours go hungry. Thank you for loving me, for giving me the gift of your Son, the Word made flesh, so that we might live, fully and full of you.
Thank you for this gift of hunger and longing that to my last breath, I will always need you and want you. For in the beginning and in the end, there is only you.
Praise be to God!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Amazing grace
how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost,but now am found, was blind but now I see....
How is it that I have missed so much up til this time in my life, about God that is, and now I see it all unfolding before me.It's like reading an excellent book or watching a good movie. I can't wait to see how my story, God's story, unfolds!
I once had no relationship ,that I could FEEL, with Christ. Now as I tell my protestant friends, yes, we Catholics have a close personal relationship with Jesus. We love Him so much we Eat Him! As far as feelings though, not so much. When HE found ME, well that is a different story, a love story. I love Him so MUCH.
Now His Dad is another matter all together. I have always had plenty of feelings about Him. Fear, shame, anger, distrust....somehow I knew love was supposed to be in there, at the top of the list as a matter of fact. I remained confused and worried but also knew there was more to it.
I once prayed to God to let me know His son. This was a long time in coming though. I came to an understanding of my faith through many back doors. First through my guradian angel and the saints. Then through the Holy Spirit. Oh how I adore the Spirit!!! I was aware of the Blessed Mother, but she was always way beyond my reach. Jesus, well, I never dared even mention his name. With great fear and trembling, I asked God, who I always talked to, despite my reservations,to give me a personal realtionship, to let me Know Christ. He did just that.
Now as I look to the son, I see what a loving Father God must be to give us his most precious son. As a sacrifice! Such wholeness and love and innocence to pay the price for all of us. The mind boggles.
I was listening to a program today about the Trinity. It occurs to me, that loving the Spirit, loving the Son ,means I do also love the Father. No one can come to the Father except through the Son. How wise and wonderful that God wanted me to know Him as well as his son, so he did answer my prayer. He knew I was terrified of His awesome self, so he sent me a savior I could talk to.
I am in Awe of creation. Who can look at the majestic mountains or hear the rolling seas or feel the mist of a thundering waterfall or hold a newborn baby and NOT feel awe and wonder. That feeling I can understand. I can start with awe and wonder and a profound respect for the Artist that painted this beautiful world. That God himself came down from heaven, as a baby! Talk about trust!
He gave me life, he created the world, he sent me his son. That is amazing.Amazing love. Amazing grace!
How is it that I have missed so much up til this time in my life, about God that is, and now I see it all unfolding before me.It's like reading an excellent book or watching a good movie. I can't wait to see how my story, God's story, unfolds!
I once had no relationship ,that I could FEEL, with Christ. Now as I tell my protestant friends, yes, we Catholics have a close personal relationship with Jesus. We love Him so much we Eat Him! As far as feelings though, not so much. When HE found ME, well that is a different story, a love story. I love Him so MUCH.
Now His Dad is another matter all together. I have always had plenty of feelings about Him. Fear, shame, anger, distrust....somehow I knew love was supposed to be in there, at the top of the list as a matter of fact. I remained confused and worried but also knew there was more to it.
I once prayed to God to let me know His son. This was a long time in coming though. I came to an understanding of my faith through many back doors. First through my guradian angel and the saints. Then through the Holy Spirit. Oh how I adore the Spirit!!! I was aware of the Blessed Mother, but she was always way beyond my reach. Jesus, well, I never dared even mention his name. With great fear and trembling, I asked God, who I always talked to, despite my reservations,to give me a personal realtionship, to let me Know Christ. He did just that.
Now as I look to the son, I see what a loving Father God must be to give us his most precious son. As a sacrifice! Such wholeness and love and innocence to pay the price for all of us. The mind boggles.
I was listening to a program today about the Trinity. It occurs to me, that loving the Spirit, loving the Son ,means I do also love the Father. No one can come to the Father except through the Son. How wise and wonderful that God wanted me to know Him as well as his son, so he did answer my prayer. He knew I was terrified of His awesome self, so he sent me a savior I could talk to.
I am in Awe of creation. Who can look at the majestic mountains or hear the rolling seas or feel the mist of a thundering waterfall or hold a newborn baby and NOT feel awe and wonder. That feeling I can understand. I can start with awe and wonder and a profound respect for the Artist that painted this beautiful world. That God himself came down from heaven, as a baby! Talk about trust!
He gave me life, he created the world, he sent me his son. That is amazing.Amazing love. Amazing grace!
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