Starving

Many days I feel like I am spiritually hungry. Starving even. My heart is growling with longing for fullness. How then do I go about filling up this empty feeling? I begin to find things to fill me up.I work to be filled by being busy. Filled with petty disturbances like unfinished homework and dirty socks on the floor. Filled with jealousies , resentments both old and new. Filled with sadness over past and worries about the future. Filled with the desire to work out the perfect schedule or the best way to organize the house and are lives. If I can fill up my heart and mind,then I can avoid the true nature of my hunger, my longing. I tell myself everything will be fine. I can if I just figure things out. Fix it all. Then I can be happy and content. Full.

And yet, this kind of fullness, gorging on the craziness of pursuing peace by my own means, leads to mental confusion, emotional dullness, even more spiritiually hunger. Like the person who is eats all day but is nutritionally undernourished, I am overfed on the stuff of this world, and underfed by not partaking of spiritual food, the Eucharist and the Word.

Lord, let me recognize my hunger is for you. You have designed us perfectly to be hungry when our bodies need energy and sustenanace. Teach me to rely on you and your holy people, your beloved Church, the sacraments...to be filled with the blessings and graces I need to be a child of yours, living here on this day, because you deemed it so.

I know in my heart you are a loving Father and would never let a child of yours go hungry. Thank you for loving me, for giving me the gift of your Son, the Word made flesh, so that we might live, fully and full of you.

Thank you for this gift of hunger and longing that to my last breath, I will always need you and want you. For in the beginning and in the end, there is only you.

Praise be to God!

Amazing grace

how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost,but now am found, was blind but now I see....

How is it that I have missed so much up til this time in my life, about God that is, and now I see it all unfolding before me.It's like reading an excellent book or watching a good movie. I can't wait to see how my story, God's story, unfolds!

I once had no relationship ,that I could FEEL, with Christ. Now as I tell my protestant friends, yes, we Catholics have a close personal relationship with Jesus. We love Him so much we Eat Him! As far as feelings though, not so much. When HE found ME, well that is a different story, a love story. I love Him so MUCH.

Now His Dad is another matter all together. I have always had plenty of feelings about Him. Fear, shame, anger, distrust....somehow I knew love was supposed to be in there, at the top of the list as a matter of fact. I remained confused and worried but also knew there was more to it.

I once prayed to God to let me know His son. This was a long time in coming though. I came to an understanding of my faith through many back doors. First through my guradian angel and the saints. Then through the Holy Spirit. Oh how I adore the Spirit!!! I was aware of the Blessed Mother, but she was always way beyond my reach. Jesus, well, I never dared even mention his name. With great fear and trembling, I asked God, who I always talked to, despite my reservations,to give me a personal realtionship, to let me Know Christ. He did just that.

Now as I look to the son, I see what a loving Father God must be to give us his most precious son. As a sacrifice! Such wholeness and love and innocence to pay the price for all of us. The mind boggles.

I was listening to a program today about the Trinity. It occurs to me, that loving the Spirit, loving the Son ,means I do also love the Father. No one can come to the Father except through the Son. How wise and wonderful that God wanted me to know Him as well as his son, so he did answer my prayer. He knew I was terrified of His awesome self, so he sent me a savior I could talk to.

I am in Awe of creation. Who can look at the majestic mountains or hear the rolling seas or feel the mist of a thundering waterfall or hold a newborn baby and NOT feel awe and wonder. That feeling I can understand. I can start with awe and wonder and a profound respect for the Artist that painted this beautiful world. That God himself came down from heaven, as a baby! Talk about trust!

He gave me life, he created the world, he sent me his son. That is amazing.Amazing love. Amazing grace!

Been awhile

I miss sharing my profound thoughts about all things spiritual, most of them Catholic. God has given me so many graces and blessings I feel compelled to share sometimes....
Can I just say that Jesus is...well, in a word , well there is no word..He is just Him. Have you ever encountered Him in a special way? Of course, we meet Him every time we receive the Eucharist. Also when we pray, wherever two or more are gathered...
I have had an amzing experiencemyself. I have seen Him, He has spoken to me. Not in a what you might call a vision, not literally, nor in a metaphoric way either.
It happened one day when I was meditating in our little chapel, where the Sacred Host resides. It was a very troubling and almost hopeless time for me. After I had been sitting and crying for awhile, my mind stilled and I found myself elsewhere, yet still in the chapel. The Lord appeared to me in a dark small room. I was sitting in front of a lit candle. He came in and sat down next to me-wearing His crown of thorns and a not quite white garment. He asked me this "What are we doing? " I replied " We are trying to get warm". He nodded as if in understanding, and simply sat with me then, saying nothing more as we both continued to gaze intently into the candlelight.
What I came to realize when I "came back" into the chapel a few minutes(? )later, was that my Redeemer had come down to me, and that the room was actually my heart. He had not opened the door himself but had waited til I acknowledeged His prescence before He came in. The candlelight was the Holy Spirit that I was deeply hoping would not be extinguished. He had appeared, not in a blaze of glory, not in a blinding light, not with a host of angels, but simply with his crown of thorns. He had not come to take away my pain, nor to fix anything, nor to judge me for a lack of faith.He had simply come to sit with me, to be with me in my time of sadness, to share with me the suffering I was experiencing, even though he was suffering with his own thorns.
I have never before or since felt so completely and perfectly understood, respected and loved. The King of Kings come down to me, a sinner,a very unremarkable and imperfect person, in a way I could not ignore or resist.
My love for Him knows no bounds. He has come to me at times since. Every time I am utterly astonished and filled with unimaginable joy, among other things.
He loves us all equally. He died to save us all. He is there for everyone that wants Him, and even for those that don't. I consider my experience a gift, a way He wanted to reach me when I could not see or feel Him any other way. If it never happened again, I would still be utterly grateful and humbled for the rest of my days.
Jesus, I love you.

Daily Redemption

I have been struggling for months to decide which blog to write in and what and how much to share. I have decided, for now, that lighter family fare is in The Bird Ranch. For all those who wish to float on the surface of family life at the Ranch, there you will be, enjoying the gentle currents. For those who wish to dive into deeper waters...read on here. Friends and family be advised, these are deep waters and there is no lifeguard. I cannot predict when the waters will rise and fall and the waves appear. Swim at your own risk! And know I love you!

Shelter Your Name

I heard this first on Danielle Rose's CD Defining Beauty.
This was the clearest version I could find ( obviously not Danielle) It is the new THEME SONG for my life! Go get the CD!!!

"see you in the eucharist"

This song follows her explanation of the Real Prescence

danielle rose explains "see you in the eucharist"

You must listen to this girls' explanation of the Real Prescence!